None of the above

Don't you know why I run away?
Do you realise that I shrink, duck and hide?
Let me tell you now
Though in some ways, it may not be clear.

In many ways I am driven away by fear,
Fear that it may and may not be
I do not want
But at the same time,
I don't know what I need.

I keep pulling the thread
Lengthening it so it will not hurt you
Maybe if it gets long enough
Maybe when the line is loose
I can let go and set you free.

* * *

You, in many ways, are troubling
I don't need you
I don't want you
And I can't have you
But why am I writing about you?

I literally died when you smiled
I used to laugh at what you say,
I used to mock your sarcasm,
Now I don't even bother
Because you don't bother anyway.

I am sick and tired of you
I need to get you out of my system
But you also keep my thinking
What if things didn't turn sour this way
Where would we be today?

* * *

You, my dear, are my dearest,
My shoulder to lean on,
But never to cry on
You are my 'jolly good fellow'
And I love you in every way.

Though I know you are not here to stay,
Though I know you will fly away,
I don't know why you act it,
I don't know why you look it
I don't know why you even make an effort.

It does not make sense,
But I'd just do with the ignorance
Cause it hurts too much to be away
Cause at the back of my mind I know
I know I can still fall back on you.

* * *

I'll know when I am ready.

Yes, I'll be waiting.